The Threshold
Thresholds and portals are reoccurring symbols of invitation for my life. I feel, once again, that I’m standing at a threshold. I’m curious regarding what awaits, but I’m not ready to step across to re-enter the outside world.
For the past year, I, like most of us, have been cocooned, nested, hunkered in, sheltered in place, anchored, and cloistered. I’ve been very grateful to be sequestered at home… within a self-created hermitage. My only outings have been for groceries every two weeks.
During this time, I have grown not only comfortable with this way of life, but attached to it. I’m grateful and aware that this expansive time has been a blessing. It has afforded the opportunity to experience deep grief from the loss of a dear friend, as well as, the grief of countless souls to the virus, and the overall sad state of our country and our world.
As an introvert and contemplative by nature, I respond best to a daily quiet rhythm and large doses of silence. I adapted quickly and effortlessly to “staying in.”
The world of Zoom allowed connection while never having to leave the house. In time, I felt called to my work and I was inspired to prepare online courses and create a new way to share Belle Cœur Spiritual Formation. Slow-stitching, art-making, journaling, and time for extended devotional reading have also nourished my spirit during the past year. An enjoyment for cooking has fed the body and soul.
In recent weeks, I ventured out with my husband for our vaccinations. For most, the fortification and protection the vaccine brings, creates a ready eagerness to return to normal life…as it was B.C. (before Covid). I, on the other hand, am contemplating all that I’ve come to realize these past months and my greatest realization is that I’m content with the cadence of daily life that has taken hold. I am not at all eager to step out into the world and resume normalcy without first identifying what “normal” means to me in the swiftly approaching A.C. (after Covid) life.
I stand at the threshold and wait. The threshold I’m referring to is my own front door. Crossing through that portal to re-enter the outside world unsettles my spirit.
During the past year, I have discovered places within and surrounding me that I’ve never had the time, space nor readiness to explore. My interior world is a comfortable place. I have no attachment to the busyness and active outer life I experienced before the pandemic. I do, however, look forward to being in the same breathing space with my beloveds that I have missed very much these past months. Heart connections transcend time and space, but nothing can replace physical presence with touch and hugs and the sharing of stories. I eagerly look forward to seeing family again after this long separation. I also enjoy my work, and teaching online eases the stress of traveling to offer workshops and retreats.
I am moving slowly, cautiously and consciously as I prepare to open the door and step across the threshold to return to what lies ahead. I feel I must contain within me all that has transpired. I’m weaving an inner container, a vessel to hold all that I’ve gleaned while sheltered in place. I pray to retain the inner peace, awareness, and new levels of compassion and empathy I have been graced to experience. Transformation has occurred. I am not the same woman I was at the beginning of lock down, nor is the world the same. The importance of simplicity, the power within resilience, and an appreciation for the present moment have become core values that I pray to continue to foster. I seek to cultivate newly discovered depths of love, faith and hope to inform my heart.
I believe that paradigms have shifted this past year. I put my pen to a blank journal page and attempt to answer my questions for the moment…
How have I been changed by months of sheltering in place, and how will what I’ve learned guide my responses going forward, through sharing and service?
No doubt, I will eventually step across the threshold to re-enter the outside world…but not today…not today.